By Michael Bello
Published 03/21/2023; Updated 03/19/2023

The Northampton Cycling Club’s Zwift Hill Climb/Time Trial and Zwift Race Series are over for the 2022 – 2023 season. We will continue to hold Zwift Group rides until the outdoor season gets into full swing, so check the calendar for details.

In the Fall Hill Climb/TT series, Jonathan O’Keeffe and Zinj Guo tied for the men’s title, while Melissa Warwick captured the women’s crown. Dusty King took the top men’s position for the Winter series and Melissa earned her eighth consecutive indoor title.

Congratulations to Jonathan O’Keeffe and Melissa Warwick for winning both the Fall and Winter Race Series.

Throughout Fall and Winter events, I attempted to capture the excuses for our less than stellar performances. Participants in these events will easily be able to figure out the individual who made each excuse:

  • Got hit with my daughter’s stomach bug in the middle of the hill climb
  • I have to interview someone in Australia
  • I have to ride to Brattleboro tomorrow
  • I rode to Brattleboro yesterday
  • My daughter has a field hockey game
  • Saving myself for the race tomorrow
  • I need to put air in my tire
  • I’m having knee surgery tomorrow
  • I’ve been sick the past few days
  • I’m recovering from Covid
  • I have to save myself for NohoCX
  • I’m sore from chopping wood all day
  • I crashed at NohoCX
  • I got my flu shot an hour ago
  • I’m sick
  • My pet is sick
  • I have a birthday dinner
  • My snowblower broke, so I had to shovel
  • I forgot to use my inhaler
  • I’m exhausted from Christmas shopping
  • I ate too much at Thanksgiving
  • My bibs are “hot”
  • I confused my chamois cream with icy hot
  • It is too cold in my basement
  • It is too hot in my house
  • My Kickr Climb is malfunctioning
  • I have to run with Dusty tomorrow
  • I have to lube my chain, right now
  • My in-laws are watching me ride
  • I got my Covid shot yesterday
  • My in-laws are sleeping, so I need to be quiet
  • My femurs are too short
  • My chain wasn’t threaded through my derailleur correctly
  • My weight was too high in the game
  • My avatar’s hair made me too hot
  • I got confused and thought I was another rider
  • I was riding my disc wheel up the mountain
  • I forgot to drink
  • Zwift penalizes me on descents because I am too light
  • I eased up too early
  • I’m still feeling under the weather
  • I cleaned the snow off the driveway earlier today
  • I skiied this morning
  • I unclogged a toilet and I now feel squeamish
  • I lost power last night and slept in the cold.
  • I’m wearing my unlucky jersey
  • I dropped my chain
  • I popped out of my pedals
  • The latest Zwift update made me slower on descents
  • Is this hill new?
  • I got distracted, has this castle always been there?
  • My warm up was too short
  • My warm up was too long
  • Thunderstruck came up on my playlist too late
  • I had to skip over a Pink Floyd song that sapped my strength
  • I sprinted too early
  • I sprinted too late
  • I wasn’t sure where the race ended
  • I have another cold
  • I had sensor dropouts
  • I had to use my inhaler (twice)
  • I snow blowed today
  • I lost power
  • Berkshire East did not have power, so I walked up the mountain this morning
  • I’m too old for this
  • My Telsa power wall could not keep up with Zwift
  • I got a flat tire
  • I fixed my flat tire, but the skewer bent
  • I ride at sea level, while you ride in Shutesbury


One response to “2022 – 2023 NCC Zwift Series Excuses”

  1. Kevin Weinman says:

    This is spectacular! I register an excuse that I didn’t know you could register excuses. 6pm is too early. 6pm is too late. I’m still 0-for-Meilensteins. Jonathan is inhumanly good at virtual cycling mind games. Wait, we can draft now? I didn’t realize I could have bought faster wheels, like, 5 levels ago. I had an extra day to do the Alpe? An extra 5kg and 3 years of aging seems to, um, make a difference. Etc.(!)