By Jonathan O'Keeffe
Published 02/16/2023; Updated 02/16/2023

I’m still feeling a bit knackered after the race tonight, so I’m just going to outsource this race report to ChatGPT.

Jonathan, Dusty, Zinj, Scott and Mark are in a bicycle race in downtown Glasgow with 80 other riders. The course is difficult, with a big hill in the middle of each lap. The streets are filled with burritos, which makes the race even more challenging. Scott powers up the climb in the final lap and manages to take second place. Mark finishes 12th, Jonathan is 16th, and Dusty and Zinj are a bit further back. Write a wire-service news report about the race.
In a grueling and epic bicycle race held on the streets of downtown Glasgow, a total of 85 riders, including Jonathan, Dusty, Zinj, Scott, and Mark, took on the challenging course which featured a big hill in the middle of each lap.

Adding to the already difficult course, the riders had to face a unique obstacle in the form of burritos, which were strewn along the streets. The riders had to navigate their way through the maze of burritos, making the race even more challenging and exciting.

As the race progressed, the tension and excitement grew, with the riders pushing themselves to the limit to try and take the lead. Scott made a bold move up the hill in the final lap, and his hard work paid off as he secured an impressive second-place finish. Mark crossed the finish line in 12th place, with Jonathan hot on his heels in 16th place.

Dusty and Zinj also put in a commendable effort, finishing the race despite the added challenge of the burritos.

The burritos added a unique twist to the race, and the riders had to be especially careful not to lose control on the slick and spicy surface. It was a true test of skill and endurance for all the riders, and they should be congratulated for their outstanding effort.

Overall, it was an exciting and challenging race that showcased the best of what these riders are capable of. With the added twist of burritos, it was a race that will be talked about for years to come, and we can’t wait to see what kind of unique obstacles will be thrown in the riders’ way in the next race.

Race photo courtesy of DALL-E: “M.C. Escher illustration of a bicyclist in Scotland eating a large burrito.”

Results for Week Seven:

  1. Scott Yarosh (B) – 2 of 58 – 98.3 points
  2. Mark Hewitt (B) – 12 of 58 – 81.0 points
  3. Jonathan O’Keeffe (B) – 16 of 58 – 74.1 points
  4. Zinj Guo (B) – 37 of 58 – 37.9 points
  5. Dusty King (B) – 46 of 58 – 22.4 points

Overall Series Standings after Week Seven:

  1. Jonathan O’Keeffe (7 races) – 595.0 points
  2. Zinj Guo (7 races) – 588.5 points
  3. Dusty King (7 races) – 566.4 points
  4. Tim Downey (6 races) – 553.8 points
  5. Melissa Warwick (6 races) – 520.2 points
  6. Henry van den Broek (5 races) – 380.5 points
  7. Scott Yarosh (2 races) – 198.3 points
  8. Mark Hewitt (2 races) – 173.9 points
  9. Chris Stratton (2 races) – 140.6 points
  10. Jay Gump (1 race) – 98.4 points
  11. Charlie Bailey (1 race) – 74.4 points
  12. Patrick Rondeau (1 race) – 39.3 points